Short Story 002 – Mala

There was a time in another life, when the day began and ended with chanting. Everyday infused with the mantras. In the darkness and quiet of the nights I return.

Miso could not understand the dreams and the feelings of the cosmos coming into flow but being Miso, she just went with it. She wasn’t sleeping well when she awoke she would feel nauseous as if she were still shaking from vibrations. She fell asleep with the new mala from the bead store. She had been falling asleep every night with it on since she got it earlier in the week. 

She could feel the way the mala held a special place in the hands of the first owner. She could feel his love as his hands passed over the beads. His voice kept a vibration in the mala. It grounds her into her core as she feels his breath is still warming his hands as he chants to bless by being a blessing. He was alive.

Their worlds, the time, the concept of being crossed dimensions and dreams. I returned to my mountain where he awaited, her new guru and my first master. Serving as a keeper of time and energy I have brought her to sit and dream reality as a master, with my master.

Her time has come to heal the darkness with magic. She is so open to her awakening and her healing touch is miraculous. She is blessed with strength to understand that science is magic. It is all connected. She will be healing the people with touch and energy. 

They do not speak as words are unnecessary. My masters share energy across all planes with the universe. The knowledge is in all things and to be heard in the silence. 

Sunrise warms the sky and calms the wind from the dark moon cycle to begin a new day, another step in the journey. She awakens with no physical memory of the meeting, only her body knows where we have been. She is filled with the knowledge of the heavens and the sadness of the darkness. She carries the burden of truth in a world which is blind to the light within. She is the hope of love to heal the world and she is not alone. She is a gateway to the magic of the cosmos. 

A Prayer For You

I dedicate this to Wendell Francis Vieira…

 

From my soul, I speak to your heart.

Forever I cherish the blessed moments.

The lessons of the heart from which you teach me about love will always be remembered.

Along the path in the journey I have found you.

This life has been hard for us to come together in.

This life is all we have in this moment.

This life is an opportunity for us.

 

May the day find your heart open to shine

May you see the beautiful light which glows within you

May the blessings of peace calm your soul

May the prayers of your dreams become your reality

Be love

Om shanti shanti shanti

Om

 

8.17.2016 – Full Moon

It’s full moon and I am trying to think of what I want to let go of…

  1. I don’t know
  2. I am in a really good place
  3. I don’t know what I want to let go of
  4. I am in a really good place
  5. I want to let go of being tires
  6. I want to let go of being tired so I don’t write tires
  7. I want to let go of nothing because I am in a really good place
  8. I don’t know

So I am looking up full moon manifesting…

I have attracted the things I want to attract. I even met a man… But that’s a different subject…

Hmm, what do I need to let go of… arrogance…

Omg, am I arrogant… I have a big ego but is that the same as being arrogant? HMMMM

How about letting go of overthinking…

Or maybe I am completing the manifestation from new moon and it’s time to enjoy.

If you are interested in more information then you can google full moon manifesting.

 

7.26.2016

Today I realized that I don’t take care of myself so that I feel physically in tune with the modern world. I take care of myself on many levels but the physical body with the material appearance is one I have allowed to overlook. So today, I shopped and pampered myself. I ate without worry and I ate some of my favorite foods. Biscuits and gravy with eggs and homestyle potatoes for brunch. Sushi with fresh seafood for dinner. It was a self-indulgent day and I feel selfish.

It’s nice to be selfish for a day.

I needed to be selfish for a day.

I was distracted and irresponsible in societal duties. I was unproductive for others. My house is a mess with dishes in the sink, a huge pile of laundry, banking needs to be done, financial matters were overlooked, and my car needs some looking at. I was so emotionally drained. I had to be selfish.

Work has been keeping me busy. I work a few jobs because I need to be financially responsible. Financial responsibility is not one of my strong suits because I choose not to focus on money but I am learning. Everyone discusses the ability to make money as a yoga teacher. The first thing I would like to say about that is that I am not a yoga teacher. I live yoga. Yoga is my passion and I share my passion to make a living. I am blessed beyond belief because I live a dream.

Believing in dreams is important to me. Dreams spark our imagination. Dreams give hope and disappointment. Dreams have goals and dreams fail.

Dreams can be reality.

You can live your dream life.

I do.

Honestly, there are moments of struggle. There are moments of regression. There are hardships. These moments are also balanced with moments of growth; moments of change; moments of gratitude and pleasure that in the balance teach me appreciation for all the moments. These moments flow and I live in a flow of abundance. My life’s journey is on a path that is in harmony with my destiny. I am where I am meant to be.

Looking in the mirror is the most difficult aspect of my life. I see an angel and I see a devil. I see myself as the angel and as the devil. I see myself as a lover, a fighter, a warrior, a goddess, a woman, a simple human whose imperfections let me see the perfection of being imperfect.

Conditioned and trained in the ways of modern society leave me seeking answers to questions that haunt humans throughout time. The what, the why, the who, the how and, the where are beyond my control but not beyond my understanding. Self-preservation, self-care, self-love are part of being selfish. Many will discuss selfishness and how bad it is but without selfishness, without taking care of oneself, how can one take care of others… by taking care of myself, I will be able to continue to take care of others.

I’m ready to dream.

I’m ready to live.

I’m ready to live my dreams.

 

 

Embrace Your Dark Side

Notes from my ego:

Ego is my friend.

Ego and I are one.

I love my ego.

There is nothing wrong with me, unless you ask the people closest to me. An energy healer once told me I had a big ego. At first, I thought it was not good and I needed to lose my ego. I sought healing and I found a way to express my belief in faith without religion. Spirituality is the way I would describe my chosen label. I also believe that religion is such a wonderful thing. Religion is an expression of faith. My heart spoke in the language of love and my ego listened.

My ego heard my heart sing and it fell in love with my soul.

I learned to love myself.

Some may use the word crazy to describe me and I am flattered.

When you find yourself, you love yourself.

This I practice everyday.

I practice loving myself.

My ego was full of fear and self-doubt. My ego controlled my life. My heart was broken. I grew up in a very different time. I grew up with rules and expectations. I didnʻt follow the rules or live up to expectations of others but I grew up without expectations for myself. I didnʻt understand because I didnʻt understand the world. I still donʻt understand the world but I cannot change the world. The only world I can change is mine. With this thought, I realized that my ego is not a bad thing.

I saw my ego.

I saw myself.

I am my ego.

My ego is me.

We are one. Thatʻs so cliche but fuck it.

My ego is my friend.

We talk.

We laugh.

We see and sometimes we react inappropriately. Sometimes we act inappropriately. We are learning to work together to act appropriately and inappropriately at the proper time.

We are Me.

And Iʻm telling myself thank you. It is with great love that I am able to forgive myself for being myself. Every choice is me, not me vs. my ego. I am my ego so I am the reason why I have hardships or make choices that hurt myself. I have followed my path and I now ask forgiveness to others I may have hurt. I offer prayers and blessings of love. My gratitude for you allowing me to make mistakes of inappropriate behavior or harmful actions which hurt your feelings. I didnʻt know how to be the person I am now.

I can still be described as having a big ego and I also work to use my big ego to help my soul and heal my heart. I know and understand that I am learning and I will make more mistakes. I also forgive myself as I walk this path.

My path is filled with light and shadow.

I am light and dark.

My life is experienced in harmony with the duality.

There is no ego.

There is only me.

My fears and worries are loved and accepted. They come and go. They are only thoughts. When they bring tea and come to sit in my head, I do not have tea with them. Then they pass. Sometimes they come back and I chat with them. Then they go.

My mistakes are recognized and they are my teachers. They are my reminders of the never ending learning process, they are part of my practice. They keep me growing.

I have conversations in my head.

Different thoughts and perspectives clash.

Sometimes I act and I learn lessons to let go.

I see things with the same eyes.

Different thoughts and perspectives flow.

Living in the light and dark as I embrace myself.

I know myself.

Perfectly imperfect life.

Smiling an evil mother fucking smile and laughing at myself in my darkness. My shadow from my light knowing the world and knowing my world and being… being in love with myself. I am working to help myself be myself. I am not only filled with fear and self-doubt. I am also filled with arrogance. I am balanced. I keep myself balanced and I am learning to ask for help. I allow the cosmos to answer when I am ready to be helped. Time is not the measure, I am the measure. I am the balance. I am my dark side and I embrace myself for having darkness that helps me learn gratitude, forgiveness, and love.

Be your dark side.

 

7.10.2016

There are many things I’d like to say and none of them matter.

This is the new beginning that I have been working on for the last 7 years. I’m living the life I was meant to live. It is the life I have tried not to live but I have no choice. I have to live this life, this way, every day.

Everything I thought was wrong and everything I did was right. My path through my journey brought me exactly where I needed to be and I surrender. I surrender to destiny. I surrender to the calling of the cosmos. I am a child of the cosmos and I live this life with a mission.

I am love.

With every breath and every heartbeat, I live love. I speak truth. I give dreams.

I live dreams.

A fire burns inside of me. There is a light which cannot be extinguished. It shines so brightly that it blinds me.

I shine in the darkest hours of the darkest days.

The time has come for me to let go of everything I was taught and be everything I know. I am in the flow of the vibration of the universe. It is my time.

Origin: Hindhuism
Language: Sanskrit

Om Om Om
Sarvesham Svastir Bhavatu
Sarvesham Shantir Bhavatu
Sarvesham Poornam Bhavatu
Sarvesham Mangalam Bhavatu
Om, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti

Mantra’s Meaning:

May there be happiness in all
May there be peace in all
May there be completeness in all
May there be success in all